34

Right, I'm sure one day when you're 34 (you better remember this too) you'll be flipping through the radio stations and land on radio disney. You'll have to pull over to the side of the road and reminess for the remainder of the song, and the next two. You will then take a deep breath, flip the station, and merge back into traffic...

Hey....

ITS DECEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm ok, we'll pull through

i'm doing it again. god, why do I do this? i don't want to lose him.. I don't want to almost lose him, again.

Have mercy

"Have mercy baby,
I'm descending again.
Open your eyes baby,
'cuz this time its sink or its swim."- Black Crowes

That's one of my favorite lines from the Black Crowes. What is he saying with this? What's he talking about? I think about it...

Forgive me, I know I was wrong.
I'm going down, feeling bad. Or maybe I'm coming off a high, even though I know you don't want me using.
Open your eyes, can't you see I need help?
I know I said I would stop, but this is when I need you the most.
If I can't stop this time, will I ever be able to?

"So have mercy baby,
And hand me down.
It was just a few years ago,
You'd hand me up and a map right out of town."

So forgive me please. If you can.
Something in you has changed since we met.
Was it me that changed you?
You would have thrown me out a long time ago, but we're both different now.

Curses, curses and clues.
Just a feast, feast for fools.

hmmmmmmmm

what to write.. idk

im just writing to write right now

right, writing to write
right write right write

bear bare
wear were
weather whether
homonyms homophones
antonyms synonyms
all that jazz

jazz, snazz, frazzle


yes this is random words
i don't even know what i'm typing any more

Damn it

and damn it again



fuck it, i'm skipping art club

That didn't go to well

All I could write were 3 short poemy things. eh

Art is ruining my writing

Now that I actually have to take home art and work on it (not that it makes it any better mind you) I haven't been writing anything. Anything. Gah.. Its really annoying. I think writing is way more of a release than drawing is for me. Who knows maybe I just haven't found my medium yet.. But I just really want to write something good you know? .. Guess the only way that's going to happen is to start writing. Here it goes, wish me luck..

Doors and Holding them open..

I appreciate it when you hold a door for me
but when I hold one for you
you don't accept it.
Maybe once you've gone through.
Why?

From now on I'll try to be grateful when you open one for me.
Even if you won't return the favor.

Still love you, silly.

Sunday

"Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed are though amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb; Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners. Now. and at the hour of our death. Amen." is what I have prayed at least one hundred times in the past twenty four hours. I can now see why Catholics recite the rosary. The rhythm of the prayer, and the repetition lets the mind clear. You don't think about anything when you pray the prayer. I guess its a good time for God to speak to you, when your head is empty.
I've found that its also a great way to block out unwanted things. Thoughts, emotions, the like.

"I try hard not to argue the obvious." Liam Finn

i've been using my computer less and less frequently lately. it might have something to do with the fact that vista sucks and i would love to get xp.. idk
i'm also writing less.. and that kinda bothers me. i mean i used to write all the time, carry a notebook everywhere. that orange one in eighth grade (good stuff ^^) was so fat, with all the loose paper stuck inside it. I need to just grab a steno notebook and bring it places. i like steno ones b/c they have that line down the middle and its spiral bound so i can slip a pencil in ^^

(i wrote in pen for the first time in a long time today. for my journal for english actually lol. i had taken out my "mechanical pencil" ((does anyone still call them that?)) (((i just call it a pencil lol))) and all i had was a regular one, an ebony pencil, and a pen. well my regular pencil was dull and the sharpener was really loud so i went with pen.)
wow, i'm talking about pencils and pens.. oh well

hmm what else.......


oooh
Florida Rocked!!
out loud. ^^ the sand was white, the water was blue/green, the waves were huge yesterday, it was beautiful. yesterday morning i went for a walk down the beach. there were a few people out, it was nice. one guy was fishing, but wasn't having much luck. ooh- they also had jellyfish the size of diner plates. no lie, dinner plates. (frikin terrifying, jeez) beau and i both got stung, but it wasn't bad. it scared the pants off of andre though lol (not literaly) he hopped into the little raft with me and we floated to shore. we passed by a giant jelly on the way and he freaked out ^^
overall it was awesome, dad's volleyball team placed third in their bracket (Scotty says if they were in the other bracket, they would have won. i believe him) some girls from lafayette won first place in the "open" or whatever idk. so yeah, i had fun. but its good to be back in my own bed ya know?


well, enough for tonight. im goin to sleep
goodnight



it is currently 1:30 a.m.

today in english i wrote a neat little journal entry
it was prompted by a quote by Edith Hamilton, who writes about mythology
i like my journal today, it was neat
hope i get it back

Video Time

I was browsing around my video's when I came across this rare gem. ^^ Thought I'd post it :]

And here's a pic of my brother the hippie child. Ah Andre, you rock.

September Eleventh

What a day, what a day. And its not even done yet. Its been an overall good day; yes I'm sure. ^^ Though there were some really depressing parts.. Like first hour. Way to start the day Ms. Hargrave.
We got to class and on the screen from the computer is a pic of the first tower of the Trade Center on fire. It turned out to be a slide show on "TeacherTube" (teacher version of youtube). We watched the show: it was quite depressing. Then right after we turned on one of the lights the people in the office came on the intercom and announced a moment of silence to remember what happened those seven long years ago. Then two girls sang "God Bless America". That was great.. Ms. Hargrave started crying.. After she composed herself she showed us the memorial services for two Lafayette High alumni who were killed in the war.
It was an over all depressing first 30 minutes of class.

The other depressing moment was about 20 minutes ago. I went to my other blog and re-read what I wrote on it. That brought back memories of Sparky. God I love him. (and I believe there Is a dog heaven :] it might even be the same heaven we get to go to..) Tangent-- I believe that heaven is somewheres, like the center of the universe or something, and that anything can go there. I believe hell is what men create for themselves on Earth. (women too lol) I immagine it as a golden place, with land and water and all that but no buildings. Everything goes there after its life is spent. Cats, dogs, you, me, aliens, plants, everything. (running low on the tangent) But I guess we won't know untill we get there..

i hate ants

god.. i have like 20 ant bites on my feet, and one on each hand

it fricking sucks

fuck ants

alive

Sigh* Well, we made it through Gustav. Hurrah. There was some damage though.. A branch fell on my grandma's roof around 3:00 on Mon. It made a big crack in the ceiling, and tore off part of the edge of the roof. There was a hole in the roof, and it was raining. Not a good combo. We had some water in the dining room, but it wasn't that bad. It rained again the night before last around 12, and we stayed up mopping till 1.
We fared a lot better than some though. I'm so thankful that it wasn't as bad as it could have been. My uncle owns Mageese Landin' on the Atchafalaya, and he said that the roof was torn off and the building flooded.


Today we went home. Still no electricity.. Everyone around us has it though, so it should get to us soon. My grandparents came over to pick us up. Now we're all over here, in Kaplan, with electricity and Ac ^^ yay!
Heh, yesterday I actually got to check my email. Dad and I went over to my aunt's house to pick up a vaccum cleaner. I brought Greg to try to find some internet. So I finally found some that I could access in my uncle's driveway lol. Dad pulled in and we both checked our email, sitting in the truck, in my uncle's driveway. (Mom said we should have gotten down and went visit ^^)

Anyways, we're all alive and well. I'm extremely glad to have some internet ^^

Peace out

after church

Here's the after church update::
Church was nice, just a few people compared to usual. Some are staying, some are leaving. Father Morgan had a good talk to us. I just need to chill out.. sigh. Anywho, we're going to go pick up my grandma, and my grandpa is going to stay at the house. Then go to mama's house.

Good news: No school on Wednesday either ^^ yay
Bad News: I think Lafayette has a mandatory evac. not entirely sure though.

May God be with us all through this thing.

God Bless,
Peace

before church

Here's the before church update, there will probably be another one after church around noon. We are still leaving apparently. My mom said that my grandparents brought Mamom (great grandma) to her other son's house, my Uncle Ray. He lives just out of Lafayette, and its only him and Hunter (a cousin) at the house besides Mamom. Everyone else left. Where? I don't know.
So we're going to church at 10:30, and we'll get back around 12. Then Mom is supposed to call Paw and see what he wants to do. He said he wanted to stay.. which I think is a bad idea. Mom said he was at the fire station, and hopefully they will scare him into leaving. If they leave, they can either come here or go to Uncle Ray's house. I don't care which, I just want them to get out of there.

hurricane update:

"Everybody run!!" Is the theme of these past few days. Its either run, or drown.. Personally I'd rather run. Lafayette parish has a voluntary evacuation, so that means that we don't have to if we don't want to. Unless you live in a mobile home, then its mandatory. So my grandparents and great grandma (mom's side) live in Vermilion parish. Vermilion has a mandatory evac. too. They have to get out, and I would assume that they would come here, because we are the closest relatives outside of Vermillion parish. (Paw wasn't going to leave, unless it was mandatory anyways.) But here's the problemo-- We were going to go to my grandma's (dads side) tomorrow after church. After a good prayer for the hurricane to just dissapeer, and for no one else to get hurt. My grandma lives in Washington, which is a bit north of Opelousas, in St. Mary parish I believe. Her house is the family gathering place, we had a hurrican party last time for Rita. Its pretty amazing that the house didn't get damaged by the 20 trees sourrounding it (knock on wood).

So yeah..
I don't know what we're going to do now. Hopefully we'll get in contact with Paw in the morning. Otherwise I'm pretty much packed, well besides Greg obviously lol ^^

Theres the update, hope you enjoyed it.

Stay safe

My friend Lindsay ^^

I recently (5 min. ago) discovered that you can upload movies so thats what i'm going to do ^^

this one was filmed in the car, on the way to Galveston by: me ^^

I
finished the Post Secret book today. There were two secrets that really stand out in my mind right now.

Biker Mice from Mars

ahh, what a game ^^
One of the few racing games I actually like. You pick a mouse and bike, and race lol. You get cash for finishing which you use to buy stuff at the store: i.e. tires, better engine, turbo, bombs, ect. I personally like Vinnie, and his red bike ^^ Right now I have the music to one level in my head.

dah, dahah, dah, dahah. dunununununa. dah, dahah. dah, dahaaaah. dododododo, dodododo, dodododo. dododododododododo. dododododo, dodododoooo. then it starts over ^^

thank you Blind Melon and Wilco

"When everybody's feeling all alone... can't tell you

who I am." "So I'll pull the trigger and I'll make it all

go away, I'll make it all go away, I'll make it all go

away." "Maybe I won't feel so afraid. I will try to

understand, either way." "Happenstance has changed

my plans." "Oh, I didn't die. I should be satisfied. I

survived, its good enough for now." "I'm gonna shake

it off." "You're going to need to be patient with me."

-- Various Blind Melon and Wilco songs

.

Get this widget!

Visit the Widget Gallery

"i may be some sort of crazy"

so its 11:30 right now, on thursday the 7 of august

i am currently listening to "nobody's listening" by linkin park

and i might stay up all night tonight

just to do it ^^



idk school is tomorrow, probably not a good idea..

"one of those nights"

i'm not entirely sure i didn't want it to be one of those nights.. he pretty much "hung up" on me if thats even possible over the internet. in the middle of typing something he just logged out.. *sigh ah well..
=======================
a bad conversation and a good piece of art came from tonight. i like it, a collage of black and white pics with a red and yellow flower as the focal point slightly above the middle of the canvas. (dad likes it too)
i usually end up showing my work to dad, i guess he's the only one still up when inspiration hits me lol. i'm seriously glad that he doesn't mind. he has told me to "finish up" before but he's never like, "no its too late to start something like that." (except for baking bread, but that was like 6 o'clock, whatever) well, its not like i usually tell him i'm going to start something anyways lol i just grab the materials and go with it. i show him the finished product and the work in progress sometimes, when i need a second opinion. thats why i love my dad ^^
========================
omg there are only 10 days left before school starts.....

"s

"Let the drummer kick."
"Look at the stars; look how they shine for you."
"Whom god helps"
"No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn't know it."
"The man looked at the angel in surprise."
"The angel looked up at him surprise."
"Above all else, have faith."

Jagged

Jagged

Jagged lines
on a paper
the scales of a snake

Jagged ice
in his heart
manifesting there

Jagged breath
in a quiet room
with only darkness

Jagged views
in their eyes
askew from one another

Jagged glass
on the path
passed over by socked feet

Jagged

summer, again

this summer is insane
im not making this mistake again,
way too much stuff going on,
and not enough chill time

not enough time



not enough time to be with the people i want to be with

though im spending time with a lot of them..


there will be one less camp next year,
that will free up a week


this is the busiest summer i have ever had
and it is, like i said before, insane

June 14th

".. great day.. no reason.."

^^

yes, finally found him

a while back i made up a vampire guy, his name is Nic. (this was before Greg btw) All of my info on Nic is on the other pc, and im just too lazy to go find it. BuT!! hoho, i found an intro i wrote for him that i posted on a forum and will now save it and post it up here. its decent, take a look.

Nicodemus Cuyler

A young girl stood shivering in the snow. She stood close to a light post, the hood of her sweatshirt pulled up to defend her hair from the icy snow. Hands in her jean pockets, trying to warm them up.

She would be the sole witness to a horror that night.

The young girl looked to her left then right. Seeing nothing, she crossed the street. She continued on walking down the sidewalk. Casually she glanced left. What she saw made her stop in her tracks.

Two figures were down an alley. One, she thought was a woman, was lying in the two inches of snow on the ground. The other, looked male, was crouched over the woman. His black hair covered his face. The man was wearing all black, and thus blended in with the darkness excellently. The only way she could tell it was a person was his hands. The right was placed on the head of the figure on the ground, the left, gripped the figure’s arm.

Something red surrounded the woman. The red gunk turned the snow into mush. The man lifted his head, revealing a set of pale gray eyes. Spying the girl he smiled. His smile made her recoil in terror. His teeth were stained red by blood, and his canines were longer than anyone’s she new.

The man stood slowly. The young girl stood petrified, thinking he would come for her. Thankfully he didn’t. He pulled his cloak over his shoulders. Then turned and walked down the alley, slowly fading into darkness.

The girl stood there, mouth open, for another minute staring at the body in the snow. Then suddenly she took off down the sidewalk. Soon she too had become a victim to darkness’ grip.

the fair

the smell of cigarette smoke hits your nose like a bellyflop
the lights, the sounds
screams of terrified teens trapped seventy feet in the air by their own will
only to come flying down like the birds they aren't
seas of people ebbing and flowing
little ones running free leave you wondering, "where are his parents"
up and down and round and round you go on the carousel
down the peptobismol pink slide in a potato sack
having races, and losing
you make yourself sick in the teacups, spinning way too fast

you find old friends, and might make a few new ones
you all hit the kiddie rides over and over
don't mind the stares
who cares if you're way too old for indiana jones
or even the bumble bees
go have fun

summer-time

we only got out of school friday, two days ago. it seems so long ago.. probably because ive done so much n those two days. friday night I went to brooke's partay at randols (got to dance! that was fun) then Ashley, Angelle, and I slept over at brooke's house. we had fun, I stayed up till two. (talking to you and jesse ^^)((you know who you are)) saturday i saw iron man, should've stayed through the dang credits

i got to go swimming today!! wooooo(t)!!!!
got some sun lol :]

finished..

had to write a paper for keller on The Death of Ivan Ilych. and I had to make fill in the blank noted for simon in about 20 minutes
crazy-ness

oh yeah.. we have to finish up that geometry test tomorrow too


wohoo

"rock on" to the country

spent today at my grandma's house in grand prairie (which is still in the state ^^) [bout to fall asleep here, so i'll make it quick] got 11 hours of sleep last night^^ that was nice. just relaxed and had fun all day today

it was an overall awesome day.

im feeling much better than last week
thank goodness lol

night

just got back..

man, that was emotional.
crazy-ness

::
insane... thats just not right.. they aren't right in the head to do that..
its the drugs..... excellent life lesson right there.. don't do drugs, pick you're friends wisely
::


dad's gonna be a pallbearer, so is scott i think. they don't want ethan to do it.. and im glad, he's too young.. i don't think he wants to either. don't blame him. that'd be horrible, to carry you're dad's body to the grave.....
:

god help paxton..

:

bout to go to the funeral home, and spend some time with my grandparents for the first time since james died.. *sigh*

i feel light headed right now.. and my legs feel like air
aw man, keller gave homework too...

tonights gonna be fun.

its 10:20 but it feels like 2

indeed. its been a looong week. a definite roller coaster. im still figuring things out.. now i realize who leonard was talking about on the intercom... it was mr. reeves.. and i just sat there wondering who he is..was..

is

its sad..
i know he cared about me, i like him.. he was a nice man, very caring
he wanted to know about and if i was writing

::


james died yesterday
i don't know the circumstances, but i do know some things..

im sad about it, but also glad that aunt peggy got out of that relationship..

just thinking about my cousins in a situation like that is.. horrible. i know one fell into it.. or walked idk

::

and then the wreck..

first and probably not, but hopefully the last
nothing serious, nobody was hurt thank god
ms. tammy was.. freaking out
im just glad that we're all ok



what a week

and that is just the bad
there are many many Many more wonderful, hilarious moments in that week
this week,
the sleepover
beaus baseball practice
just so many good seconds.minutes. hours even

this morning in fact
krispy creme and a cup of coffee on the pier
it was so beautiful

its moments like these that i want to stay in,
but i can't
because life goes on

there can't always be light
and there's not always going to be dark

it may last for a while, but its not lasting forever
i just need to remember that sometimes



and to add the top and the bottom ^^

wow, i kinda screwed the day up huh? its pretty much 1 day out of seven that i get to see him, and i really messed it up.. grr. its aggravating..


man

man, this whole situation just sucks..

i can't do anything about it..

My own way

The ripples in the water,
Cause the sun to shimmer and shine.

It is peaceful down here..
No sound, besides water swishing calmly.

In, out
In, out.
My breath goes slowly through the mouth piece.

This is not how I want to die.

The clear water reveals a different landscape than above.
The land is battle scarred from currents and plates carving out chunks of underwater earth.

This is not where I want to die.

I want to die by my own way.
Not fate.

But there is not much I can do,
Trapped between a rock and a hard place,
With half a tank of air...

My own way...

wow.. what a day.. early morning and night especially. sheesh.

reading minds
i can't do it
i don't wish i could
but he does

he tells me he really wants to tell me something
is it good or is it bad?
i don't know
but he does

what does he need to tell me?
what is so important?
i have no clue
but he does

thoughts at midnight

Je t'aime.. I love you. Strong words. Simple. How do you know? How do you know if you mean it? Does it just feel right? Or do you just pretend every time? You like them, but do you love them.

Right.. 5 letters, means many things. It could mean perfect, yes, i don't believe you, i'm just agreeing with you to make you feel better.

If you were here.. then it would be right. In the first meaning.


The strings on the guitar vibrate. Each time the pick passes over them a strong clear sound is made.
Music had a different affect on everyone. For me, acoustic guitar is the best. Memories. The last night of camp. Everyone singing, two guitars, drums, Loucke's solo. Candlelight in the building, giving a softer look to everyone.
One guitar, one song. Stars above us, earth below. Fire a bit away. The hushed whispers of bored kids.
Cookies and milk later. Tears and hugs. Goodnights, more hugs.
Three o'clock: no one is asleep. Two beds pushed together, everyone and their covers, talking.
7:30, more crying and promising to go next year.
8 o'clock: Mica and I leave. A few last hugs and a "Bye!" yelled out the car window..


What if all the people you cared for got on a plane. All of them. And flew away. What would you do? What if they weren't coming back for a while? Then what? Would you call every day? Would you write every week? Would you send a text message every month, or a whisper into the night every year? What if they all got on a plane and flew to meet you tomorrow? Would you jump for joy? What if the plane crashed? What if...

That would be horrible.



i think its possible to care for someone. i mean care for them, not .. i don't know what i mean. i love him like a brother, better than my own some times. because he was there for me when i really needed someone, anyone. he picked me up and put me back on my feet. and for that, i thank you

that day was bad.. the day after the "fight". not much of a fight really, just me telling him and him, well, telling me how he felt. i had the boy in second hour.. he noticed something was odd and asked if i was ok. i told him i was fine, just tired. partially true.. i was tired..but no-wheres near ok. (( Faith, Hope, Love. Never Forget. )) i couldn't get the courage up to tell him then, or even when we were walking. i kinda floated through the day, floated is the wrong word. sulked is a better one. floating is up, flying. sulking is down, slow.. fourth hour i thought i was going to cry. it was bad.. thank the lord for my friend. he lifted me up a little during school. afterwards we walked for a little bit. i told him"Thank you for being my friend." i thought i was going to cry right there in front of him. im not afraid to cry in front him. (i have before... an odd day......) he hugged me and said he would be there for me. after he left, i wasn't sulking anymore. but i definitely wasn't flying. i was walking with my head up and almost a smile. i told the boy what i had to tell him the next day at lunch, he was nice about it and we're still cool.
an overall bad day, but i walked out of it ok.

that took close to three hours to write.. after each sentence is a pause.